Barbara's Random Thoughts

Monday, January 03, 2005

Random thoughts at the beginning of a new year

Look how fast this year's gone by
Spring has somehow slipped away
I barely saw the summer sky
Autumn seems like yesterday
I never read those top-ten books
I never took that trip to France
Did nothing to improve my looks
I never learned to salsa dance
I didn't be all I could be
I didn't see all I could see
I didn't call on Mother’s Day
I cannot wash my sins away
And I would not dwell on the past
If time did not go by so fast
I can't believe already it's the last day...of the year

2005 sounds so...2 years ago. This is what comes of working for a publisher, where every copyright year is a year in advance, and editorial deadlines are even earlier. I'm starting work on 2007; why is the rest of the world 2 years behind?
I should have something profound to say. At the beginning of a new year, it seems I should wax eloquent as I reflect on the past 12 months and look ahead to the year to come. But that really seems contrived, and I hate contrivance in all of its various manifestations. I don't really have a lot of deep reflections about 2004, though I feel like I should--it was full of a lot of changes and a lot of new experiences.
I should make some resolutions. I don't really do New Year's resolutions. But this is what I was journaling about last night, so here ya go.

Speaking of...I want to do more journaling. Over the last 2 years, I've gotten out of the habit of journaling, and I want to be more consistent this year. Blogging has been good for me over the last year, but I want to do more personal journaling, to spend more time evaluating thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This way, I can be more profound in my reflections at the end of 2005. Ha.
In light of the two shoulds above: I want to stop being so driven by the word "should." Love, not obligation, should be what motivates me. AUGH! I just said "should." This is not going well...
These last two are related:
I want to more deeply recognize and rest in the truth that God's in control. Not me. God.
I want to stop being so insistent on my own self-reliance. Seeking deeper community is kinda in there as well.

Happy 2005, everyone!
| posted by Barbara | 5:57 AM