Monday, April 05, 2004
Why Christian Dating Books Are Not For Me
My parents gave me two Christian dating books for my birthday. I ran across them this afternoon while rearranging some bookshelves in my apartment, and for some odd reason--perhaps it was guilt over having not even cracked the covers open--I decided to take a closer look.
The first is called When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Approach to Guy/Girl Relationships. I get pretty skeptical when anything claims to be the "ultimate approach" to anything. But, I thought I'd try to set aside my skepticism, and I took a look at the back cover. "Bestselling authors Eric and Leslie Ludy invite you to discover how beautiful your love story can be when the Author of romance scripts every detail." Ugh. Somehow, talking about God as the "Author of romance" just doesn't appeal to me. There's a bad association with romance novels hidden somewhere in that phrase.
Well, let's check out option #2, titled What's a Girl to Do? and subtitled "While Waiting for Mr. Right." O-K. Because, you know, I've always found that to be a great mystery. /sarcasm alert/ Oh my word, I don't have a husband! My life has no purpose! Whatever shall I do with myself?! /end sarcasm alert/ I've never been the type to sit at home wondering what to do with myself until I find myself a husband, so I'm getting just the slightest (ok maybe not so slight) inkling that this book is probably not for me. But the back cover didn't sound quite as sticky-sweet as most of this stuff, so, again quelling my skepticism, I opened the thing up and took a look at the first few pages.
At first, things seemed promising. In her introduction, the author somewhat sarcastically referred to the numerous Christian dating books out there, and said, "As you may have guessed, I'm not into books like that." Well, good. Neither am I. I flipped a little further along in the book, and found sentences like, "The good news is, you don't have to sit around waiting." And: "While we're waiting for God to send along Mr. Right, we need to get in the game of life." Yeah, genius there. Because, you see, I thought I was just supposed to sit at home and wait for a guy to come along and marry me! You mean, single Christian girls should actually have a life, and not just focus on finding a man? What a newsflash! Grrr.
I don't mean to mock these books or their authors. I'm sure there are people who find these books helpful. And it's not like I've never delved into the Christian relationship guide genre. My sister gave me Elisabeth Eliot's Passion and Purity when I graduated high school, and I read Knight in Shining Armor in college, when a bunch of my friends were reading it. (And when my cynicism about such books was at a much lower level.) Both books made some good points, though I would say "grain of salt" to both of them. But now, I guess I kind of pride myself on not being the kind of girl who reads these kinds of books. And it frustrated me that someone would think I was the kind of girl who needed that sort of thing.
In So Many Books, Sara Nelson talks about the impact that giving or lending a book can have on a relationship. What do you do when someone you love gives you a book you hate? "I should let it go, or reconsider my feelings about the book in question. But I end up reconsidering the friendship instead" (67). Now, don't get me wrong, I know to make allowances for difference of taste in books. And yet, there is a lot of truth to the idea that the kind of book someone offers you says something about what they think of you. And a book recommendation can affect your relationship with the person who recommended it. I love my parents, but it kinda bugs me that they think I'm the sort for Christian dating books. It annoys me to think that they see me as the kind of person who needs to hear: "The good news is, you don't have to sit around waiting."
The thing is that for me, I really don't see the point to these books. What God wants me to do while I'm "waiting for Mr. Right" has never been an issue for me. My concern should simply be what God wants me to do. Why even tack on that second part? Why make that distinction? I don't feel like my life is purposeless or unrewarding simply because I don't have a man. There are books to read! Places to go! There are ministries to be involved in, things to experience, to think about, to explore--and I don't need a boyfriend to do these things. I never have. Yes, I would love to be in a relationship now, but that's not my first priority. Finding a boyfriend has never been something I've pursued. Maybe I need a book that talks more about how I should stop avoiding relationships, instead of one that tells me to stop pining away after them.
So, for now anyway, What’s a Girl to Do? and When God Writes Your Love Story are going back on the shelf. Between Passion & Purity and Knight in Shining Armor. I have other things to read.
The first is called When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Approach to Guy/Girl Relationships. I get pretty skeptical when anything claims to be the "ultimate approach" to anything. But, I thought I'd try to set aside my skepticism, and I took a look at the back cover. "Bestselling authors Eric and Leslie Ludy invite you to discover how beautiful your love story can be when the Author of romance scripts every detail." Ugh. Somehow, talking about God as the "Author of romance" just doesn't appeal to me. There's a bad association with romance novels hidden somewhere in that phrase.
Well, let's check out option #2, titled What's a Girl to Do? and subtitled "While Waiting for Mr. Right." O-K. Because, you know, I've always found that to be a great mystery. /sarcasm alert/ Oh my word, I don't have a husband! My life has no purpose! Whatever shall I do with myself?! /end sarcasm alert/ I've never been the type to sit at home wondering what to do with myself until I find myself a husband, so I'm getting just the slightest (ok maybe not so slight) inkling that this book is probably not for me. But the back cover didn't sound quite as sticky-sweet as most of this stuff, so, again quelling my skepticism, I opened the thing up and took a look at the first few pages.
At first, things seemed promising. In her introduction, the author somewhat sarcastically referred to the numerous Christian dating books out there, and said, "As you may have guessed, I'm not into books like that." Well, good. Neither am I. I flipped a little further along in the book, and found sentences like, "The good news is, you don't have to sit around waiting." And: "While we're waiting for God to send along Mr. Right, we need to get in the game of life." Yeah, genius there. Because, you see, I thought I was just supposed to sit at home and wait for a guy to come along and marry me! You mean, single Christian girls should actually have a life, and not just focus on finding a man? What a newsflash! Grrr.
I don't mean to mock these books or their authors. I'm sure there are people who find these books helpful. And it's not like I've never delved into the Christian relationship guide genre. My sister gave me Elisabeth Eliot's Passion and Purity when I graduated high school, and I read Knight in Shining Armor in college, when a bunch of my friends were reading it. (And when my cynicism about such books was at a much lower level.) Both books made some good points, though I would say "grain of salt" to both of them. But now, I guess I kind of pride myself on not being the kind of girl who reads these kinds of books. And it frustrated me that someone would think I was the kind of girl who needed that sort of thing.
In So Many Books, Sara Nelson talks about the impact that giving or lending a book can have on a relationship. What do you do when someone you love gives you a book you hate? "I should let it go, or reconsider my feelings about the book in question. But I end up reconsidering the friendship instead" (67). Now, don't get me wrong, I know to make allowances for difference of taste in books. And yet, there is a lot of truth to the idea that the kind of book someone offers you says something about what they think of you. And a book recommendation can affect your relationship with the person who recommended it. I love my parents, but it kinda bugs me that they think I'm the sort for Christian dating books. It annoys me to think that they see me as the kind of person who needs to hear: "The good news is, you don't have to sit around waiting."
The thing is that for me, I really don't see the point to these books. What God wants me to do while I'm "waiting for Mr. Right" has never been an issue for me. My concern should simply be what God wants me to do. Why even tack on that second part? Why make that distinction? I don't feel like my life is purposeless or unrewarding simply because I don't have a man. There are books to read! Places to go! There are ministries to be involved in, things to experience, to think about, to explore--and I don't need a boyfriend to do these things. I never have. Yes, I would love to be in a relationship now, but that's not my first priority. Finding a boyfriend has never been something I've pursued. Maybe I need a book that talks more about how I should stop avoiding relationships, instead of one that tells me to stop pining away after them.
So, for now anyway, What’s a Girl to Do? and When God Writes Your Love Story are going back on the shelf. Between Passion & Purity and Knight in Shining Armor. I have other things to read.
| posted by Barbara | 4:16 AM