Barbara's Random Thoughts

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I love my little brother.

Eric's not really my little brother. We're not actually related, but for years now, he's been my little brother. More specifically, I call him the annoying little brother I never wanted. He's also one of the few people who are allowed to call me Babs without getting smacked.

I got to know Eric on the first GHBC mission trip to Porthcawl. We couldn't stand each other. We did skits for the kids every morning, and most of the time Eric didn't know his lines. I got so frustrated with him--his was pretty much the biggest part in the skits for the week. I was tougher on him than I should have been, and he really didn't like me.

Until the day trip in the Land Rover. The five "young people" on the team all crammed ourselves into the back of a Land Rover for the Saturday trip to what Heather and I now call the fake mine. The ride there and back and the day in general was spent laughing and hanging out and having a really good time being together. We made fun of Eric as he dripped ice cream all over himself: "Uh,'ve got ice cream on your...cross." Heather and Eric got blue and red tongues from slurpees and made faces at the car behind us. We made fun of Louis when he fell asleep on the way home. And Eric repeatedly told the 7-foot fireball story: "Dude, you made a 7-foot fireball in Wales." Eric and I bonded that day, and we've been good friends ever since.

A couple of summers ago, our mission team was doing one of those things where you sit in a circle and everyone encourages each person in turn. I hate those things, because I always get self-conscious as people say nice things about me. I would much rather avoid being the focus of attention. Anyway, that day Eric talked about our friendship and how he appreciated how there was this unspoken bond between us...we don't usually talk about it, but it's always there. And it's true--sometimes Eric and I just get each other and we don't have to say anything about it.

So I found it to be very uncanny when I read this blog post of his today.

See, yesterday I sang with the worship team at PBC for the first time. And this was a much less high-pressure thing than Eric's solo...but I was still quite nervous. I've been out of worship ministry for a while now, and it's become an area of quite a bit of insecurity for me. So I was struggling with the conflict between my desire to serve in doing something I love and my worries about my own (in)adequacy. I was annoyed with myself for being so concerned about what other people might think of me, for my worries about not being good enough.

Somehow in all of this nervousness leading up to Sunday, the whole theme of the service didn't sink in until I was in the middle of it. The service was focused on how our adequacy comes solely from Christ. The worship songs, the sermon, all were focused on God's strength working through us and his sufficiency in our inadequacy. Add to my thick-headedness, the passage Steve preached on was part of the chapters I had been studying the afternoon before: II Cor. 2:16-3:6. So there I am singing about how I can stand in no other strength but Christ's, and it's like...oh, HELLO Barbara, yeah. This is what it's about.

It amazes me how dense I can be sometimes, and how many reminders it takes for God to get my attention. And then I got a nice reminder again this morning, via Eric, of how God works in our weakness with His strength. Thanks, little bro. =)
| posted by Barbara | 2:37 AM