Barbara's Random Thoughts

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

If I could write I'd set all the words free

(The only relation that the post title really has to anything is that I got a Sam Phillips CD in the mail yesterday, and I can't get track 11 out of my head. I love that opening line. I'm also fascinated by the fact that I'm SURE I've heard her songs on Gilmore Girls. But I digress.)

Last night there was a worship night at church, which I wasn't going to attend until Elise talked me into going to the planning meeting on Sunday night. Somehow I also got myself talked into bringing my violin last night: "You're going to bring your violin, right, Barbara?" Me: "Uhhhh...." (Why can't I just say no to stuff?)

So I came home from work last night and dug out the violin, played a bit, then laid on the floor and wallowed in feeling mediocre. I knew it was petty at the time. But, yeah. Lack of creativity, lack of ability, lack of discipline, lack of sheet music = Barbara feels stupid.

I brought the violin anyway and played a bit last night, though not well. And somehow, I enjoyed it. I had this weird sense of joy even in the midst of completely butchering "Come Thou Fount" at the end of the night. The butchering is not to be blamed entirely on my wouldn't-stay-in-tune D-string, but at least I can kind of point a finger at something other than myself. (And I can also hide at the back of the room in the dark and hope other people don't notice me.)

Besides my violin-playing self-consciousness, last night was a great time of worship. I don't know if I'll ever understand what it is about music that can be so powerful. But I love it. Joining together with church family last night, to meet with God and to worship in community, was a wonderful thing.
| posted by Barbara | 7:06 PM