Barbara's Random Thoughts

Sunday's sermon on Eph. 1:15-23 focused on praying for others on a deeper level. I've been thinking about this quite a bit the past few days. The passage is one that I've prayed specifically for a good friend of mine for several years, but somehow I hadn't really thought about prayer before in the ways that Danny discussed.

He talked about how often we pray only on a surface level--only focusing on the experiences of ours and others' lives: for this person to find a job, for that person to get well, for this relationship to be reconciled. We pray for circumstantial things--and that's ok--but there's so much more to prayer, so much more to be asked of God. After all, "his incomparably great power for us who believe" is outlined dramatically in this same passage: Paul goes off about it in verses 19-23.

So many times, I find myself not knowing what to ask God in a given circumstance, not knowing how to pray for a friend, because I'm not sure what I should pray for the outcome to be. And so this idea--which should perhaps have been more obvious to me--provided a bit of an answer to that. I've been challenged to pray for the deeper issues of spiritual formation instead of the surface issues of events and circumstances.

One of Danny's points was that we often pray for circumstances to change so that we don't have to change. That reminded me of a W. H. Auden quote: "We would rather be ruined than changed. We would rather die in our dread than climb the cross of the moment and let our illusions die." I don't think Auden meant it in a spiritual sense necessarily, but that's where it hits me. We ourselves need to be changed, though we would rather pray for everything to be fixed for us. Maybe that's why prayer often seems to disappoint: because we're asking for the wrong thing to be changed. And that brings me to the part of the sermon I most needed to hear: instead of praying for circumstances to change, perhaps we should instead be praying for those circumstances to change us.

Ides \YDZ\, plural noun:
In the ancient Roman calendar the fifteenth day of March, May, July, and October, and the thirteenth day of the other months.

I had no idea that "Ides" referred to the thirteenth in some months. Innnnteresting.

Vote for America's Favorite Poem. Prufrock is currently in the lead. I would have preferred a larger selection, but oh well.

And because Prufrock has been frequently mentioned around these parts recently...you might want to check out this frat-boy version of the poem. It's a bit crass. But come on:

"I'm gettin' old, man...I'm gettin' old...
Gonna wear my pleated khakis rolled."

That's good stuff right there.

Labels: poetry

The year 2000 was a big wedding year for me. It was the summer I attended five weddings in four weekends, as well as a few other weddings not occurring on consecutive weekends. Julie & Brian, Paul & Bonnie, Amy & Joe, Pam & Marcos, Amy & Uel, Sarah & Dan, Jacob & Jeanette, Michelle & Sean...I think I attended a bridal shower or a wedding every single weekend that summer.

Weddings haven't been clustered together quite so closely since then, although last year saw a wave of babies among many friends (5, to be exact). I thought that was the next wave and that should be it for a while.

But the past couple of weeks have resulted in the announcement of 2 more pregnancies and an engagement. Sadly, my first reaction to the engagement announcement was to think "Here we go again!" I really am very happy for them. I sincerely am. But I feel just a little like Anne of Green Gables: "How horrible it is that people have to grow up -- and marry -- and CHANGE!"

In other related news, my friend Suzanne recommends eHarmony.

For a little over a year, I've been meeting with various friends for a book club. (I still feel somewhat middle-aged-housewife saying "book club." Oh well.) It's interesting to me how this has affected my reading habits. Book club books more readily push their way to the front of the reading queue--because I have to finish the book on time and come up with something at least semi-intelligent to say about it. The closer book club gets, the more pressing the need to complete the chosen book.

I've mentioned before that I own an embarrassingly large number of books that I haven't yet read. Add to these the books I buy because I'm excited to read them right away. (Or because I found something promising on the remainder table.) I try to shoehorn these into our book club selections, but they keep getting shot down. I guess I'm just too democratic. Darn you book clubbers! (Completely random aside: "book clubbers" reminds me of an old Newsboys song from when I was in high school: "Breakfast Clubbers, say the motto / that he taught us to repeat: / 'You will lose it in your gym class / if you wait till noon to eat.'" Man, I haven't thought of the Newsboys in ages...)

Then there are the books borrowed from friends. Julie lent me the first of the Lymond Chronicles in November, maybe earlier. I've only recently invested time in it, because I've been distracted by book club books and potential book club books. But a borrowed book has a greater sense of immediacy than one I already own. After all, I can read my books any time.

Now, add the library to the mix. Library books are even more immediate. They must go back in three weeks! Yes, they can be renewed, but not indefinitely. And I am weak at the library. I went to return a book last night, with the halfhearted goal of walking out empty-handed. If I'd been wholly committed to this goal, I would have returned the book at the slot outside, rather than walking in. Walking in was a sign of weakened resolve: "Oh, I'll just walk past the new fiction..." I left with three more books. Now these will push their way further up in the queue.

And so, I am left with a shelf full of books I wholeheartedly intended to read, once upon a time. This is the area of my life where I am an optimist. I will read them, someday! (Keep me away from the library and bookstore, and I might just be ok.)

Aaaand, writing. On my way to Bible study on Tuesday night, some music I was listening to and some things kicking around in my head led to a couple of ideas for poems and an idea for something to write for the YAF newsletter. That was cool. I feel like I haven't had much to write lately, or rather, I haven't had the words in which to say it. Especially when it comes to poetry. Ironically, a creative writing class at Biola sort of turned off the writing a bit for me. I think I got to the point in that class where I could evaluate my writing better, and realized: hey, my poetry kind of sucks. Since then, I haven't written many poems that I feel are worthwhile. But reading more poetry lately has helped. I started tinkering with a couple of poems on Tuesday, and I'll probably sit on them for a while, but I might post one soon if I manage to convince myself that it doesn't suck.

Labels: reading

So I put up a new template, then promptly neglect the blog. Sorry.

I don't have much for you today, either.

Today is International Women's Day. Ok. Here's a quiz for you--test your knowledge of pioneering female writers. I got a not-very-good 6 out of 10:

"Nothing contributes so much to tranquilizing the mind as a steady purpose."
You haven't done too badly, but why not take Mary Wollstonecraft's advice to heart, keep persevering and have another try.

So what do you think?

(And does anyone know how to get the Flickr badge to align right instead of left? It's bugging me.)