Barbara's Random Thoughts

It seems to be all or nothing with me. I haven't been doing a very good job with my goal of writing something about each book I read this year. I've read 18 books so far. I've written posts for 6 of those books. Yikes. Last night, I sat down and started writing. Forthcoming are the fruits of my labors.

Labels: meta

I’m always impressed by people who read a ton of books (read: significantly more than me) every year. It makes me feel a little inadequate. But then, this feeling is usually somewhat balanced out by friends who tell me they're impressed by my annual reading totals. In 2007, I read a lot fewer books than I usually do. I didn’t read nearly as much fiction as usual. I read a lot more good nonfiction. And, I continued my practice of rarely blogging anything substantial about anything I read. The last of these is the thing I’m planning on changing this year.

I often make reading goals and plans for myself. I often don't follow through. Because unless I’m reading for a discussion of some sort, or reading a book I’ve borrowed/been given and therefore must either return or report back on (ah, accountability!), my reading is largely governed by the mood of the moment. It’s really hard for me to get into (or through) a book I’m not in the mood for. I’ve had Chesterton's The Man Who Was Thursday on my shelf for years, but didn’t get around to reading it until recently, while traveling in Britain. I took it with me because it seemed like something I’d want to read in Britain. Oxford, specifically. It was. I loved it. I'm not always so successful in my choice of travel reading--which is why Atonement went to both Italy and South Africa (twice to South Africa!) before I finally read it. And loved it.

Reading is like music for me. It has to fit my mood. And I think I’m gonna (mostly) give up on trying to change that. BUT…I would very much like to be more disciplined in reflecting on and writing more thoughtfully about what I read. Posting at least something about each book I read this year will help me to do that. Additional benefit: I’ve been casting about as to what to do with this blog (I’ll spare you the half-written rambling post on that subject), and this gives me something to write that will (ostensibly) get me back into posting here.

It also means that I owe you four posts, one on each of the following:
The Man Who Was Thursday, G.K. Chesterton
Magic or Madness, Justine Larbalestier
In Search of Guidance, Dallas Willard
Journey to Myself, ed. Julia Landau

And soon:
A Stay Against Confusion, Ron Hansen

Dangit.

Labels: meta, reading

So. I’m back. I feel like I need to post something reflective and thoughtful upon my return to the US, something about transitioning and being back and what’s next. Oh, doesn’t everyone want to know what’s next.

I’ve started several posts, attempting to get back into blogging here. And it’s not really working for me. I find that I get half-inspired to write about something, start, look at what I’ve written, self-edit, and save it as a Word document to which I shall never return.

There’s a weird parallel here. Since I’ve been back from SA, I’ve been trying to get motivated/disciplined/inspired enough to dig into writing the women’s stories that are currently on my hard drive in transcript and recorded-interview form. There are a few half-started paragraphs and some notes for one story, but that’s as far as I’ve gotten.

I often get the compulsion to write when I’m reading--some idea or image hits me just right, and I’ll go off on a mental tangent that I then just have to get into words. But the thing with me is that I’m a perfectionist with strong defeatist tendencies. When I hit upon something difficult to express, when I’m trying to say something in a certain way and the words aren’t coming, I quit. I feel like I can’t get it right, so I’d be better off just not doing it at all.

See, I’m better at absorbing and evaluating art than doing art. Better at the reading and the editing than at the writing. I use this as an excuse quite often. Did it this morning, actually. Then this quote came to mind:

"To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it."
-Kurt Vonnegut

Well, then.

Here I am alternating between reading posts here and attempting to write a blog post. And all of the above is really an avoidance of what I was going to do this morning, which was to look over my notes and half-started paragraphs and do something with them.

I had a small conversation with David on my drive to Visalia on Friday. We talked a little about blogging and finding a public sort of voice that works. Part of my frustration with my own writing of late is that it hasn’t felt like me. I don’t know where my voice went, or at least I don’t like the one I’ve been using. Then I got an email from Sarah over the weekend in which she said how good it was to hear my voice in my writing. Hmm. It’s out there; now to get it into the public writing instead of just the emails to friends.

And, I’m going to post this before it gets relegated to a Word document for me to evaluate and discard.

Labels: meta

To the person in the UK who recently found this blog by googling my first and last name:

There was a huge spike in my pageloads today. I was curious. StatCounter indicates that you are currently, quietly, reading my entire archive. Who are you? You're kind of freaking me out a little bit.

You can always email me via the link to the left if you don't want to declare yourself publicly. I don't mean to call you out, but I have no idea who you are. You must know me, hence the google search. Really, I'm curious.

-Barbara

Labels: meta

I wish I were blogging more frequently, more thoughtfully, and more entertaining-ly. I feel like I am failing you, my faithful (5?) readers, and I am sorry. If only...if only so many things.

-If only I were not so busy at work.
-If only I had wireless internet at home, enabling me to blog with ease instead of having to visit the local café or park. (Yes, I seem to be able to poach wireless internet at the park. Shhh.)
-If only it didn't seem that life is crowding in on me from all sides, everything requiring my attention and making me want to retreat rather than think or deal with anything.

You get the idea. I hope to be back to better blogging soon. (I revel in the alliteration of that sentence.) In the meantime, you literary types can play with this.

Ok, back to work for me.

Labels: meta

StatCounter has a new feature--a Google world map of your (or in this case, my) blog visitors. Fun:




















Apparently, I really need to expand my readership in the Southern hemisphere.

Labels: meta